How to care for the caregiver

It’s estimated that one in five Americans currently cares for an aging loved one. The stress, the worry, the first-time experiences can all fray the best of nerves.

“If you have a friend or family member who’s in a caregiving role, there are several ways you can help to reduce their stress,” states Rebecca Hilton, Vice President of Mission Integration, CHI Living Communities.

Among them:

• Listen. While that sounds simple, few of us have the patience to simply stay still and allow the caregiver to express frustration, grief, fear, or anger. Be mindful not to interrupt their thoughts. If your spouse gets home and wants to vent about how difficult a day they had because their elderly mom refused to eat, stop what you’re doing and be all ears.
• Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Most of us are wired to offer help when someone tries to vent. However, many people don’t want “a fix” when sharing how their day went; often they want only to be heard and receive an encouraging word, such as, “I’m sorry that happened to Dad,” or “What can I do to support you?”
• Allow space. Sometimes exhaustion or fear is best treated by enabling the caregiver to have some time and space alone. Allow them to retreat for a long bath, take a walk around the block, spend an evening in bed, or have a few hours alone on a Saturday when they can do “nothing” while they recharge their batteries.
• Don’t judge. Remember that the caregiver most likely never had a dress rehearsal for taking care of an aging loved one. They’re learning as they go. Avoid stating what you believe they “should” have done.  Instead, offer words of encouragement. If they state that perhaps they’ve mishandled a situation, remind them that there are no rules and it’s difficult in any given moment to have the right solution.

“If and when caregiving becomes too much to handle within the household or your family unit, seek support from outside sources,” says Hilton. “You’re not in this alone, and most communities have resources to help at-home caregivers.”

You may want to contact the CHI Living Community campus nearest you. There’s no obligation for a tour, and a professional will be able to offer you care options or suggest other community assistance available to you.